“I turned to marijuana…”

When you are a teenager no one will admit that the “teen drama” you are going through is really a serious and dangerous issue.

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That was the case with me. I was dramatic and creative and no one thought to look deeper than the harsh poetry that talked of suicide and loneliness. I was alone in a world of happy people with not one ounce of happiness to call my own. My little world of literature could not stop the hurt that wiggled its way in.

I tried everything to escape. A whole bottle of pain relievers lined up on a counter and no courage to take them all just made me sink deeper into the pit of my despair. I gouged broken hearts into my flesh and stopped eating because I thought maybe I was just too fat to be popular.

In my early 20s I found medication, but they were no help. One medication made me sleep for days, while another made me psychotic and angry. So much so I threw my boyfriend at the time over the side of a balcony. He survived the ordeal, but my guilt only made my depression ten times worse.

With no more prescription drugs to calm me (since none of them worked) I turned to marijuana. I was hooked. I was eating, I was smiling, I forgot how cruel life could be to me. Being a pothead was not the life I wanted for myself, but it was an escape and in the situation I had gotten myself into (I was with an abusive man for over a year and he was the one who introduced me to weed) I needed an escape more than ever.

Unlike most people marijuana was not my gateway to other more deadly drugs it was my gateway to alcohol and the life of a single girl prowling the bars. I was wild and free around the so-called friends I had made (those ones who talk about you behind your back but smile at your face) but at home I was lonely and lost.

I had given up on marijuana because simply put, without the man I had been with I couldn’t get it anymore. I was lost again in a sea of lonely with no way to forget how pitiful I was.

  Then on April Fools Day when I thought all hope was lost and I would just be one of those drunk girls falling off a bar stool every night, he found me. My knight in shining armour. The man who just kept coming back into my life over and over. It was then I decided I needed to shape up.

Little did I know how much he would understand.How much he would be there for me no matter how untrusting and crazy I could get.

It has been a long seven year journey for us both, but his love has slowly but surely fixed me. He’s made me feel like a person again after so many years of feeling like a shadow. With his love I have come a long way on my journey from depression. Now I know what people who go through what I did need… Love…

Anon, 30

 
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