“My “happy” mask left me with a damaged liver…”

I haven’t really blogged that much for a whole, as I’ve been struggling myself. I appreciate everyone who has so far submitted their personal story.

Saturday morning, I had the Home Treatment team come over to basically check on me and give me support. Me being me, I lied. Denied having pills, and acted completely fine. An hour after he left, I had done it.

I had overdosed and washed it down with a bottle of alcohol. An hour or so later, my friend turned up, I remember the paramedics getting me up but that’s about it. When I got to hospital I got the “with the amount of pills you have taken you could die” I was thinking “that was the whole point”. When my bloods came back it showed liver damage and the results where high, so in paravolex I went!

I didn’t sleep much on Saturday at all, but when it came to having to move from the bed to the chair I found myself in much agony. I would never have thought I’d be in so much pain.

I sat waiting for the 16 hour drip to finish, and when it did they re-done my bloods. The results showed that they managed to reverse most of the damage I had done to the liver but not all.

I spoke to crisis after, funnily enough it was the one that came Saturday morning. He was happy to let me go back home.

I guess the reason I’m sharing this is because through my paranoid thoughts, the trust issues and being able to so perfectly paint on such a happy mask, has left me in a lot of pain.

I had to force myself to tell the truth last night and today. I know I needed to be honest, but I couldn’t do it without the support I had from my good friend, Jane.

I really urge anyone who’s having suicidal thoughts to reach out and get help. There’s people out there that care about you. If that be the crisis team or a helpline, they’re all there to help you and to support you.

Please, please, please, look at the “in a crisis?” Link if you feel you’re going to harm yourself. You are loved.

I want to say a special thank you to Hollie, Jane and Dannielle. Without you, I would have been dead. Although I have those crappy thoughts, I know now from you three people I can get through it all one step at a time!


The information provided on the PsyWeb.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information is solely for informational and educational purposes. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of PsyWeb.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.

PsyWeb Poll

Are you currently taking or have you ever been prescribed anti-depressants?
Total votes: 3979