Experience on a Psychiatric Ward

January the 14th was a scary time for me, it was my first admission on a Psychiatric Ward. In my previous blog post I mentioned this:

I was terrified, scared and didn’t want to go in.

This was a big thing to me, ever seen ‘Girl Interrupted’? That’s how I imagined the Psych Ward to be like. It was A LOT different.

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Being forced in all I wanted to do was leave, I wouldn’t talk, I was scared of what was going to happen next. Doors were locked, everything was monitored, basically everything was taken off me, and I didn’t like it. I met this other patient, ”Luna” (changing the name for the safety of her identity) she made me feel welcome, more comfortable, and was someone who I bonded with very well. The other patients also made me feel welcome – I think I made around 7 good friends who I miss dearly.

It was very difficult to come to the senses about what had happened. I was that shocked, stubborn, and pissed off I refused to drink any fluids, eat, or sleep for around 78 hours, before I was told they’ll have to put me on a drip if I continued. So I made small steps, a biscuit, to a sip of drink – after a good sleep (finally!) I did feel a lot better and more able to ‘cope’ through the day.

I saw myself making small progress, I would talk to staff when I was suicidal and wanted to self-harm (although this didn’t stop me, at least I was able to make them aware). I wasn’t allowed in my room some days, cos of how I was feeling which really pissed me off, cos sometimes you just want to be on your own, don’t you?

I had been there a week, and had a bust up with another patient (one which is and will always be a great friend). I was trying constantly through the day to choke myself, and Harriet (again, changing the name) and Luna went and told staff this – obviously it put me in a shit mood, and I ended up wanting to hurt myself more as I was put on basically 15 min obs. The next morning I still hadn’t ‘gotten over it’ as I hadn’t slept. Harriet was flipping out, saying she would ‘put my face through the fucking fence’ and ‘if you’re going to kill yourself at least do it right’ – this point I flipped shouting and screaming until my fav nurse came out. I went straight to my bedroom, with my tassel from my jumper and tried choking myself, doing it properly, and cutting. My fav nurse walked in and knew I had done it, and comforted me, she was like a mum figure.

After this incident they decided to move me to Iris Ward in St Helen’s. I HATED this ward, I would stay in my room all day – I had an assessment later that day, and told lies. I wanted to go home, I didn’t want to stay in that ward – around 6-8 hours later I was allowed home, with support from the Home Treatment Team.

But I learnt that – in a Psych Ward you meet so many lovely people, all with there own problems, but most really kind, gentle, and great for a giggle.

Next blog post will be on ”coping now I’m an outpatient” hopefully won’t take me too long to put it up!

 
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