Has CAMHS helped?

So I’ve been with CAMHS, and stuck with it this time for around 8/9 months. Do I think it’s helped? Honestly, I really do. Talking seems to be getting me through most things, even if I do have slips every now and then. 

It’s being able to speak to someoen face to face without fearing you’re being judged. I know that I was sticking to online support, and I wasn’t in a million years going to accept face to face. But it crosses you that the online world can only do so much, you can’t show them anything, you can’t have a proper giggle, and you can never tell what they’re doing behind the screen. If they’re laughing or not.

I’m not a serious person, I laugh at everything and anything, sometimes it’s bad! I mean, talking about something serious, smiling and giggling really doesn’t work that well. I think it probably comes across to people that I’m joking around, but I’m not, it’s this ‘nervous’ thing I’ve been doing for god knows how long.

When I first accepted the help at CAMHS, I think I closed off about most things, and found it difficult to adjust and talk through things. But as time went by I because more trusting and talking more, and I generally found how much I missed having the face to face communication. You can really show and explain things better, even if it means changing the subject when you don’t want to talk about that particular thing. 

I’ve noticed a few people go: ”CAMHS are shit”. I’ve always thought, well, if you don’t work with them, obviously you’re going to think they’re ‘shit’ as it won’t be helping you. It will be like your worker is talking to a brick wall. If you engage in the sessions, you’ll actually find they’re not ‘shit’ and it’s probably one of the safest environments to be in. Obviously the first couple of sessions are hard because they’re basically a complete stranger, but it gets easier.

I dread to think I’m leaving CAMHS soon. It’s like time has gone way too fast, and I don’t want to leave there to be working with someone completely new. I know for a fact I’ll miss my worker, and when it comes to bye’s it will probably be the only time she see’s any type of emotion. 

But in a summary, they’re great, and if I could start from being 15 again, and accepting the support there and then, I would have! But at least I accepted it sooner rather than later.

I will never be able to give enough thanks to how she’s helped me, and how she’s made me see things differently. I don’t think I would have been able to get through half the things if I didn’t have someone to talk to. I’d still be that person that’s in a complete state and can’t figure out if life is even worth living. I’d still be bottling everything up and self harming every day. 

I know, that I will get through this though, even if everything seems so impossible and that I’ll never be able to get away from all of this. It will take time, but hopefully I’m able to overcome all this. 

And if you’re reading this, thank you Becki! :)  

 
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