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I experienced something strange during my recovery, maybe you have to: It was like there was a war going on inside myself. My survivor self wanted to remain in charge, but my warrior self wanted to be free to live more fully.
For a while, I sat back and let them hash it out. Eventually, it was clear the tides were turning. In my trauma recovery memoir, Before the World Intruded: Conquering the Past and Creating the Future, I explain it this way:
The war is ending. I feel my survivor self beginning to back down. I sense her retreat into the shadows. She is at peace. She will remain with me, but she has relinquished control to another self who desires to feel and experience and create joy.
That self exists in you, too. That self that wants to live and be happy and free and full of meaning and purpose. At first, you have to actively support that self and give it what it needs to grow and become present. Then, you have to allow it to do what needs to be done.
You have enormous healing potential. The goal is learning to access it.
Dig deep. You can do this. I believe in you!
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