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During my PTSD recovery, my therapist asked me to imagine myself without my trauma. WHAT???? I thought he was crazy. I said it was impossible. He insisted. So I tried, the way you try really hard keep something tart in your mouth instead of spitting it out.
Here’s how I describe my, er, lack of success in achieving what he suggested:
I try to make a picture in my head of what I would look like if my trauma had not occurred. All I see is a blank white canvas. There is nothing, not even a small, modernistic black dot in the midst of all the white. Not even a starting point from which to sketch an identity without pain, fear, and suffering. (BEFORE THE WORLD INTRUDED)
Well, you can imagine how awful and bleak I felt after that!
And then the idea sort of sat with me for a while and I began to look around for clues to what that image would be and you know what? A very nice picture began to form. A very nice picture indeed.
You have enormous healing potential, the goal is learning to access it. Dig deep. You can do this. I believe in you!
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