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In celebration of National Poetry Month, this week’s PTSD poem comes from …Sabine M. Pitcher. Sabine wrote: I have written poems on and off ever since I can remember – since I was proficient enough in English (which is my second language). Some of my poems reflect my own feelings – but, more often, they start off with something I hear or read or somebody tells me. On a voluntary basis, I work with people who leave the UK Armed Forces, many of them former officers - so that’s an area I feel particularly close to and which is reflected in my poems: they are about loss, dying, loneliness, making difficult decisions. And, about living with the memories of it. I wrote one poem after a brief chat with a Vietnam veteran. He said that it made his wife cry, and his daughter said “I understand now …”. That’s why I write.
By: Sabine M. Pitcher
The clouds just won’t lift. A moment ago, the sun was shining. Now it is dark. Clouds hanging low, weighing heavy on my mind.
Why is everbody smiling? Why are children laughing? I just want to be left alone.
But, then again, there is already too much loneliness. When will it end? Were is the sun? I can’t remember what it feels like to have light.
This heavy silence is like a hummming in my head.
And as I think I cannot bear it, that I can’t escape, another soul is reaching out to me.
I don’t believe, I do not trust, I have been in this all alone for much too long. But even through the darkness I can now see the hand reach out, the skin reflecting light from some distant source I cannot see.
So maybe, only maybe there is hope, the clouds will lift.
When nighttime comes I close my eyes and try to see the hand reach out. And light will travel through to me. Before the night comes to an end, I can feel it on my skin.
The break of dawn will make me see the light again.
I was not alone.
Bio: Sabine holds a PhD in psychology. She was born and grew up in Germany and now lives in London / UK were she works in adult education. She recently started a blog supporting her work with service leavers: Military-to-Civilian Transitions.
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