PTSD Survivors Speak: ‘Manic’, A Poem

In our continuing survivors poems series in honor of National Poetry month, today’s contribution comes from Shawn Catherine Fisher, a PTSD thriver and the Founder of VAYA (Volunteer Advocacy – You in Action).  Shawn started VAYA as a way to encompass all of her volunteer efforts under one organization – and be easily identifiable in the various philanthropic communities at global, national, and local levels.  With all of her work, Shawn’s #1 focus for VAYA is to provide free, compassionate guidance to people working to bring their ideas for service to light.

MANICPTSD, Survivors Speak, Poetry

You with the dark parts and the dark art
Whose dark heart once ripped apart
Gets smart and finally starts to grow
And the new flow where you roll shows soul
no control, and I know
Beyond your skin deep down below
There are shadowed places you don’t even go
Open wounds that won’t close
Upon the page within your prose
I want to know where it goes at night
When you’re lying in bed under moonlight
Highlights trace the dark side of your face
As you wait to sleep and waste away in the keep
Of the demons that dance and shriek
You writhe and squirm like a freak you twist and turn
In the burn of a fire that swallows you whole
You fight for the light and dream of letting go
In a ballroom ballet you cling to your madness
Completed by the love you feel for your sadness
The way it hurts you now gives you pleasure
And the ugliest memories you have come to treasure
Weight and measure, unbalanced and broken
Haunted head you remain unspoken instead to wed
The pale lover you find
In the comfort and familiarity of your own kind
Blind, unrefined,
Subtlety murdered by a killer who leaves no clues behind
Though I think we both are very aware
Hesitant to give it life, so less we speak and more we stare
Now the years have been butterfly wings
In a fast forward life that continues to sting
Like a dragon sized bee impaled through the chest
At best without guess I can see you’re a mess but you’re blessed
with a gift yet you fear a resolve
You fear a closure
You long for the attention yet you dread the exposure
Get composure and get on your feet
Do battle with Hell and die before you retreat
For the death you will endure save the victory you celebrate
You skate, take shape, then escape from the hate you’’ve grown to love
You stand on the edge awaiting a shove
In your breathless fall as you plunge to the ground
Angels will catch you and softly … set you down.


For more information about Shawn visit:

The ideas contained in this post solely represent the perspective of the author. To contribute to ‘Survivors Speak’ contact Michele.


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