The grip of Depression

I first started noticing I was lower than usual when I was 15. This is where I started self-harming, and attempted suicide. I just thought it was normal, until I stopped going out, I wouldn’t socialise and would find it hard to talk about things. I closed off and continued on with concentrating with school work, which started piling up.

It felt like I was in a well, which only got deeper and deeper, and soon enough the light at the top vanished and I was in complete darkness. 

It’s not until I attempted suicide more often and started self harming even more til I even asked for help. I used to write about my problems, never where people could see them. It was the only release I was getting and it helped. I ended up writing a lode of poems which obviously my mum found and understood them, kind of.

I was added to a support group online, which helped and supported people with mental illness. I found myself being more open, and making friends. Although I was still unsure with things, I started understanding them more. I wasn’t alone, there where other people going through the same thing.

I remember this one person in particular I used to talk to, she was lovely. I remember I gave her my number forsakes I wanted to be there for her as much as she was for me. April time I tried to commit suicide again. This time I had missed calls from this lovely person, telling me she’s worried and that she’s praying I’m okay. I never thought people would even care.

Depression is like a whirlpool you get dragged into, you can always kick depressions ass, but there’s times where it comes back just as you get your life back together. It makes you feel hopeless, worthless and that there’s no use for you in the world. It kills you inside, and you do anything you can to try and kill the depression, but you only end up harming yourself in the longrun.

If you’re suffering from depression, or if you think you could be suffering from depression, speak to your GP, and hopefully they will be able to help you or even refer you to others.

 
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