Three Ways To Create More Confidence

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If we enter adolescence or adulthood with little or no self confidence what can be done about it?

Three skills which support self confidence are effective communication, trusting our emotion of anger, and being our own source of self-worth. Anyone can improve these skills, though people frequently need the help of a good support group or professional counselor to accomplish it.

Effective Communication

Not everyone is raised in a family who is good at communicating because there are so few of them. However, skills we cannot absorb through childhood osmosis we can learn or improve as adults. The best way to do this is in individual or group therapy, or in a communication skills workshop.

Naturally, you can teach yourself communication techniques. Yet, individuals who are anxious will need a safe place to practice the skills—which therapy provides.

When people know they can communicate thoughts and feelings effectively, it becomes much easier to risk saying what needs to be said. This may not banish anxiety, but it can make you feel more powerful than the anxiety.

Trusting Anger

Our sense of anger alerts us when we are being treated disrespectfully. If we distrust our anger, we will not have the courage to respond to the alert. Responding does not mean acting angry, it means acknowledging the anger felt and then deciding how to react.

When our anger reveals that we are being manipulated or “walked-on,” we may need to respond with assertiveness. Assertiveness is one of the communication skills that can be learned and practiced.

Those who have been hiding or stuffing anger for years, maybe a lifetime, will likely need therapy to notice and trust emotional cues such as anger. After realizing that emotions faithfully reflect our perception of experience, we can use them to help guide our actions.

Granting Self-Worth

When we put our self worth in the hands of others our focus will be on pleasing people so they approve of us, or on pushing people away before they hurt us.

Self-approval may not seem like a skill, but decision-making is. If we want to enjoy a sustained sense of worth we eventually must grant ourself the approval we need and deserve, just because it is good for us to do so.

However, many of us never make this decision until after we see our worth shining in another person’s eyes. If reading books or listening to audios about self-acceptance has not helped you, consider meeting with a compassionate mentor or therapist.

Photo credit: Doll Joints / flickr

 
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