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What if your turkey is drier than dust, or your company cancels at the last minute, or your grandmother fixes a vegan turkey dinner and your not a vegan?
What if your cousin’s family brings their three wolfhounds with them, or it rains and everyone tracks slush and mud on your white carpet, or the cable goes out and there’s no football to watch?
What if the turkey you put on the outdoor grill gets done three hours before the rest of the food, or a couple nephews show up with "just a touch” of the stomach flu, or Aunt Irma Jean forgets she was asked to bring the mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and three pumpkin pies?
You may need a little help finding the humor in all of it . . .
We are approaching the Thanksgiving holiday, when we pause to reflect on our blessings by eating pretty much nonstop for an entire day, then staggering off to bed, still chewing, with wads of stuffing clinging to our hair.
~ Dave Barry
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.
~ Craig Ferguson
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
~ Erma Bombeck
There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to.
~ O. Henry
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relatives.
~ Oscar Wilde
But see, in our open clearings, how golden the melons lie;
Enrich them with sweets and spices, and give us the pumpkin-pie!
~ Margaret Junkin Preston
The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and braising and blanching. Then it takes 20 minutes to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma, and then it takes four hours to clean it up.
~ Ted Allen
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
~ Johnny Carson
It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it.
~ Alistair Cooke
I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.
~ Robert Brault
It's like being at the kids' table at Thanksgiving - you can put your elbows on it, you don't have to talk politics... no matter how old I get, there's always a part of me that's sitting there.
~ John Hughes
Thanksgiving is a time of traditions, and there is no tradition more meaningful than the annual U.S. Department of Agriculture warning about fatal food-dwelling bacteria...I am frankly wondering if stuffing should be regulated, like assault rifles, to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands.
~ Dave Barry
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
~ Erma Bombeck
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