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This two-part article was written exclusively for PsyWeb.com by Jessie55 on SupportGroups.com. In this article, she discusses her struggle with anxiety, the divorce of her parents, her alcohol and drug abuse, and how she has begun to change her life for the better.
When you feel like no one understands you, you do anything you can to forget who you are and who you wanted to be.
It's terrible to see everything crumbling before you, to see how you keep abusing that which you should love the most, yourself. Most probably thought that this was normal, “typical” teen behavior, but no one could know how unstable my family life really was.
There was never a moment that I didn’t know how messed up things really were. I knew even during my young years that my life was not typical, nor was my behavior just a passing phase. As I grew up and tried my hardest to become a better person I still struggled with my drinking problem. To this day I still take prescription medication for my anxiety.
However, at the age of 28 I have decided to change the tables and quit drinking. Pointing the finger at people or setting the blame on others for who I am today does not do my life any justice, nor does it change my situation. I had a very tough and painful childhood, and I would not wish that upon anyone. I am no role model; I know that.
I can pick myself apart and see all the things that make me unworthy, but my point is that I took a stand for my future. I couldn’t bare to hurt others around me just because I was so used to being abused myself. It's unhealthy and unfair, not only to yourself, but to the good people in your life who want to see you thrive in this world. It's your life, your future, your faith – make it worth living.
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