Suffering in Silence: The Story of My Struggle with PTSD, Part III

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This three-part article was written exclusively for PsyWeb.com by Jennifer A. Weaver. She discusses her struggle with complex PTSD, the bullying and abuse she endured, and what she has found to be helpful.

Click here to read Part I.

At that time I was married to my ex-husband and I mistakenly believed that losing all that weight would make him love me more. In the end he left. I would later discover he had left me for someone who was older and three times my original weight.

Finding True Love

I found out the hard way that being in the thin-cage doesn't solve your problems, it only kills you slowly. My life has changed now, and although it is a continuing battle for me, my now husband loves me and tries to be as supportive as he possibly can.

He has usually taken the approach of "I understand that I may never understand,” when it comes to my condition. It was not until a couple of weeks ago when I read to him information about Complex PTSD, and the toxic inner critic that he began to really comprehend what I am going through.

Reaching Out

He looked at me and he had tears in his eyes and he told me, "I get it. I understand." I believe that miracles do happen and it is such a blessing to have to someone in your life who understands you.

PTSD is our brain's natural reaction to unimaginably, unnatural events/traumas. Our brain is pretty amazing in the way it does what it needs to in order to survive. PTSD is not a mental illness, it is a psychological injury.

Understanding PTSD

The difference between a mental illness, and PTSD is that when you have PTSD, you are aware of the fact that something is wrong inside you, and you know that this wasn't always so, that you weren't always so troubled.

I would advise anyone who is suffering from PTSD, or who has a loved one who has to go through this, to read about it. Read, read, read! It does pay off. This was one of the first things I did.

Healing with Music

I read everything I could find out about it. It helped me a lot to understand what PTSD was and to understand the reasons why I could do certain things and why I can't just get over my past. Music has also been a great help for me.

It has been a healing balm for the wounds inside me, and has served as my voice when I couldn't verbally communicate what was going on emotionally inside me. Please remember that PTSD doesn't make us crazy, it makes us human.

 
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